Two Ladies Talking in Heaven





1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?



1st woman: I froze to death

2nd woman: How horrible!



1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from

the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful

death. What about you?



2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected

that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the

act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.



1st woman: So, what happened?



2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there

somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up

into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went

through every closet and checked under all the beds I kept this up

until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that

I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.



1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd

both still be alive.

LOLOL

A husband and wife of fifity years both die in a car accident. The husband wakes up in heaven but doesn';t see his wife near him. He begins a frantic search and sees her in the distance. He begins to run toward her all the while yelling "My Love! My sweetheart! My everything!". Once he got close enough she replied "Don't come with that crap up here. Remember, it was till death do us part!". Ouch.

Men Should Listen


A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells, "PIG!!"

The man immediately leans out his window and replies, "Bi**H!!"

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

Monica Lewinsky is at teh cleaners with a dress in her hand
The cleaner greets her 'How can I help you?'
AS Monica starts to respond her dress falls to the floor and
as bends over to pick up the dress (and the cleaner checks her out)
she responds 'I need to remove this stain fromthe dress?'
But the cleaner couldnt hear and pleads, "Come again?"
She answers , "No, Red Wine."

LOL!

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership.

Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

'Amazing,' he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the state trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, 'What am I doing? I'm too old for this', and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, 'Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday.

If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.



'The old gentleman paused..... Then said ....


'Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper..........


I thought you were bringing her back.'


'Have a good day, Sir,' replied the trooper.

hahahahahahah! LOL!!!

Good one Tex...

That same old Floridian walks into Church and asks for a priest for confession...
the priest takes him to the booth....
'Bless me father for I have sinned", the old man says,...
-Yes, my child .... what have we done?
- Last night I went to a club and drank excessively
- Oh, thats not that bad.. however at your age, you should be more careful.

- That's not all father, ...
- Carry on.....

- Well, when I got there these two girls started flirting with me and we started to drink together
- No worries, Thats not a real sin...

- That's not all father....
- Carry on....

- Well, the drinking and the flirting led us to dancing, and although Im married I was really attracted to these two young 18 year old girls
- Andddddddddddd ???

- Well, father I ended up ta\king them to a hotel and havoing sex with them all night....
- AVE MARIA PURISIMA !!!! YOu must recite 10 Hail Mary's and 20 Our Father's
- Oh no... I cant.. see, I'm not catholic, Im jewish
- So why did you come here ?
- Because I'm telling everybody !!!!!

glam next time your standing at a urinal in a public restroom look over at the guy standing next to you He will probably say to you " Don"t look over here ,the jokes in your hand "