It's a beautiful, warm spring morning and a man and his wife are
spending the day at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps. He's wearing his normal jeans and a T-shirt. The zoo is not very busy this morning. As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very hairy gorilla. Noticing the girl, the gorilla goes ape (no pun intended). He jumps up on the bars, and holding on with one hand and two feet, he
grunts and pounds his chest with his free hand. He is obvously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The Husband, noticing the excitement, thinks this is funny. He suggests that his wife teases the poor fellow some more. The husband suggests she puckers up her lips, wiggle her bottom at him, and play along. She does, and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let her straps fall to show a little more skin. She does, and Mr. Gorilla is about to tear the bars down. "Now try lifting your dress up to your thighs and sort of fan
it at him" he says..... this drives the Gorilla absolutely crazy and now he's doing flips. Then the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, flings her in with the Gorilla and slams the cage door shut.

"NOW, TELL HIM YOU HAVE A F***ING HEADACHE"

Harry and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.

One day Harry didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Harry hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Harry lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Sam sadly figured he had seen the last of Harry, but one day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and behold! --there sat Harry! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, 'For crying out loud Harry, what in the world happened to you?'

Harry replied, 'I have been in jail.'

'Jail?' cried Sam. 'What in the world for? '

'Well,' Harry said, 'you remember Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop that I always liked to flirt with.?'

'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her?'

'Well, one day she up and filed rape charges against me, and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pled 'guilty.'



'So,' said Sam, 'you were sent to jail for rape?'

'No', cried Harry, 'the damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'