Lady I am happy you enjoyed the anecdote I thought it was amusing also P.S the Red Sox will soon be going down the tubes

Oh no you didn't!!! I don't know what the heck happened???? Is like we went there to lose right? But for now we'll blame on the time change... They won that game last night, but I was not too impressed with the way they played..
I still have a lot of faith in them! When you are a loyal fan, you are there win or lose.... That's me baby!

#1. As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"





#2.

Heaven is Where:
The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are French
and
It's all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is Where:
The Police are German,
The Chefs are British,
The Mechanics are French,
The Lovers are Swiss
and
It's all organized by the Italians.

LOL!!! Isn't #2 OH So True!!! LOL!!!

A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery were staring at
a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three
very black and totally naked men sitting on a park bench.
Two of the figures had a black penis , but the one in the middle had a pink penis.
The curator of the gallery realised that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment.
He went on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of Indigenous Australians in a predominately white, patriarchal society. "In fact,"
he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis also
reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society."
After the curator left, a young bloke in an ACDC T-shirt approached the
couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"
"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?" asked the couple.
"Because I'm the bloke who painted it," he replied.
"In fact, there are no Indigenous Australians depicted at all.
They're just three Aussie coal miners, and the bloke in the middle went home for lunch.”

THIS HAPPENED IN AN ARAB PUBLIC OFFICE:
- Name?
- Abu Abdalah Sarafi
- Sex?
- ¡4 Times a week!
- No, no, no! - ¿man or woman?
- Man, woman and sometimes camel.......je je je

Just heard this :

Bush and Clinton are not great leaders, in fact they are very similar... know why?? Because neither of them took responsibilty for fu**ing anything!!

Too good to miss and can not be translated:

El Gumersindo le decía al dueño de la estancia:

...Fíjese patroncito que juimos al dotor y le dije: mire dotor, es que
tenemos un problema: mi mujer y yo queremos tener condescendencia y no
podemos, pero no sabemos si es porque yo soy omnipotente o mi mujer es
esmeril.

...Desdiantes juimos a otro dotor y nos dijo que mi mujer tenia la vajilla
rota y la emperatriz subida, y como ademá la operaron de la basílica, no
sabemos si eso tiene algo que ver. A mi desdiace años mi operaron de la
protesta y a lo mejor eso me dejó escuelas en el cuerpo...

...Nos dijeron que juéramos con otro dotor, pero en la capital, que dizque
era muy güeno. Con dicirle que en la consulta tenía dos teles conetadas a
una antena paranoica.

...En esa consulta, a mi mujer le hicieron una coreografía y el dotor nos
dijo que no veía nada raro y nos recomendó que hiciéramos el cojito a
diario...

…Entonces por 15 días ella y 15 días yo, nos estuvimos haciendo los rencos,
pero nada...

…Nos juimos a otro dotor que nos dijo que hiciéramos vida marítima mas
seguido. Y nos juimos pallá pa la costa y en todas las playas hicimos vida
marítima, pero nada, eso no ha injluido…

…Mas bien yo lo que creo es que mi mujer es frigorífica, porque nunca
llega al orégano, pero ella dice quesque lo que yo tengo es un problema de
especulación atroz, pero un compadre me dijo que ella puede ser libiana...

…Usté qué piensa patroncito???

Y el patrón le respondió: Gumer, yo creo que tu mujer te está engañando....
Ella debe estar tomando pastillas anticorrosivas....

A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

' Mommy ,' the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'

'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied.
'It's not polite.'

'OK', the little girl says,
'How much do you weigh?'

'Now really,' the mother says,
'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'

Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'

'That's enough questions, young lady! Honestly!'

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

' My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her
friend.

'Well,' says the friend,
'all you need to do is look at her driver's license.
It's like a report card, it has everything on it.'

Later that night the little girl says to her mother,
'I know how old you are. You are 32..'

The mother is surprised and asks,
'How did you find that out?

'I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.'

The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
'How in Heaven's name did you find that out?'

'And,' the little girl says triumphantly,
'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'

'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'






'Because you got an F in sex.'

This is an old joke i sure there are various variation.
==========
A man has been crazy about eating white beans in tomato sauce all his life but has the troublesome problem of flatulence whenever he eats them. When he got married he promised himself that he would never eat white beans in tomato sauce again and inflict that on his poor wife.

For four years he keeps his promise, and then one day as he passes a restaurant, he smells the lovely smell of white beans in tomato sauce. He continues to walk, but he cant resist the temptation so he goes in and has not one, not two, but three overflowing bowls of white beans with tomato sauce. And then it starts. Just as it does he hurries pays the bill, exists while releasing a smelly slider, faaaaarrt. As he walks home he cant help to think what a sharp stinker that first fart was, but hopes he can walk it out before arriving home.

So the man walks home. As he walks FAAAARRRT FAARRT FAARRT the man lets them rip. Upon arriving just before he rings the bell he grunts out another huge one FAAARRRT. He fans his hands frantically, fanning the terrible rotten smell away. He rings the bell, seconds later his wife opens the door with a curious mystified look, but nevertheless happy to see her husband.

She says "Darling I've got a surprise for you, but I have to blindfold you first". The wife blindfolds the man and leads him to the dinning room where she sits him in his usual place. "No peeking now honey", says the wife and she goes off into the kitchen. The man experiencing a sensation of privacy quickly lets off another Raunchy fart. This was a mother of farts, FAAAAAAARRT an orchestrated master piece.

He flaps his hands trying to fan off the terrible smell, the air clears and he lets one last Ripper, FAAAART, this was a killer, cutting both ways, he pauses not believing the intense smell, gags slightly and again begins to fan exhaustively with his hands, but the smell was intense, he quickly removes his jacket and madly fans the air and dissipating the stench before his wife returns. He flaps on last time and seconds later his wife returns, and removes the blind folds and says honey "I invited all your friends over for dinner tonight". The man looks and long and behold TWELVE of his friends sitting at the table.