Dread I will reopen this one in your honor ...Welcome back Archie

Obama Fights Back With A Historic Speech on Rednecks

Dodging the flak over his description of typical small-town rednecks as those who turn to guns and Bibles if left without government supervision, Obama has once again skillfully turned the tables on his opponents with the same maneuver he used during the Jeremiah Wright "controversy": he returned to Philadelphia and delivered a sweeping speech on the legacy of rednecks in a post-redneck society and the importance of establishing a full government control over the redneck territories - a speech that political strategists agree hearkens back to those of America's founders, and deserves a similar place in history.

Obama, who grew up in the redneck-free paradise of Hawaii, could have easily stepped into a cultural void of corporate middle-class indifference if he hadn't embraced the winning theory of class warfare and challenged the country to do better - to drop the old redneck values of self-reliance, and to accept the State as an absolute, in comparison with which all individuals or groups are relative, only to be considered in their relation to the State.
Keith Olbermann, unbiased news anchor:
Obama was right to call the rednecks the untermenchen. Rednecks won't go away by themselves. They're too much a part of our national fabric to think that we can move on and make progress as a society without having to eliminate rednecks as a class. We must do it for our children.
Fritz Olbermann, college student and Obama supporter:
Some of Obama's words were too harsh for my taste. But wouldn't the world be a better place if all rednecks are put in box cars and deported to some re-education camp or something? Let them live there until they are fit to mix with more enlightened people, like my Dad. Besides, we can redistribute the redneck houses to the more deserving, like the homeless, or the drug-addicted Americans who can't pay their mortgages. It worked out well for Joseph Stalin with the kulaks. If anything, it might solve the housing problem.

Howard Zinn, historian:
Obama correctly identified the problem. This is also why the famous Hatfield-McCoy feud of 1878-1891 happened. Those families fell through the safety nets of the Cleveland and Harrison administrations, and they got bitter. They discovered guns and religion, and began to shoot people who weren't like them as a way to explain their frustrations.

Below are excerpts from Sen. Obama's speech.
"We the people, in order to form a more soviet union..." With these simple words, social workers and community organizers had traveled across the ocean to establish a state of planned economy and redistribution of wealth according to everyone's needs.

The state they produced ultimately remained unfinished. It was stained by the presence of corncob-smokin', banjo-strokin' chicken-chokin' inbred hillbilly rednecks, who undermined the great American experiment with their distrust of a strong government. They continued to cling to their guns and Bibles, and refused to sacrifice their personal liberties to the Common Good as defined by the government. The rednecks brought the creation of a perfect society to a stalemate, and so the founders gave up and postponed any definitive solution to future generations.

Of course, the answer to the redneck question was already embedded within our Constitution, which has at its very core the subjugation of the individual to a strong centralized government, requiring the surrender of all unauthorized guns, Bibles, and incomes.

Our founders Marx and Engels believed that the government was endowed with unalienable rights to regulate life, ration liberty, and dispense happiness - and that to secure these rights, governments must decide what's best for the governed, redistribute their property, and indoctrinate their children.

Now, the rednecks will argue that the Constitution says something completely different. But we mustn't allow rednecks to rewrite our Constitution. We mustn't allow some small-town, god-crazy, gun-humping non-people to inject bitterness into our brave new world of collective hope, planned tolerance, and organized compassion.

Today, when the promise of the parchment has almost come true, it is up to this generation to find a final solution to the redneck problem. We must redouble the government's efforts to control lives, ration liberty, and dispense happiness. We must close the gap between our ideals and reality, even if it means shredding the reality to pieces. Can we do it? Yes we can!

It is up to this generation to make the word "redneck" a non-word, completing the construction of a post-redneck society.

I hope none of you are rednecks.

I shall conclude my historic speech by addressing critics who say I'm out of touch with reality.

I would like to show them a letter of support that was sent to me by a nice small-town family of hillbillies. It consisted of only a few lines scribbled over a black and white photograph - a large redneck family in front of a shabby old cracker house. The house needed some serious renovation and was probably in danger of foreclosure. The haggard faces of adults expressed bitterness and determination to fight for whatever little piece of entitlement the government can give them. The children's eyes revealed the sadness of a child who had been robbed of the true love and compassion of a caring social worker. They were the typical small-town Americans in need of guidance and support of big centralized government - exactly how I had always imagined them.

The note on the photo said,

Y'all cum n'save us, Bawrock Whosane Obomber! We done fell through the Clinton gubbermint net, and the Bush gubbermint net too, so's we is a gettin' bitter as bitteroot, we cling to silly ol' guns, that ol' time religion, and we been shootin' folks that ain't like us, as a way to 'splain the lack of gubbermint supervision over our po' simple redneck lives.
Jus' don't give nuthin' fer free to those gawddam McCoys.

XOXOXO,
The Hatfield Clan