Get To Know Your Dictator: Hugo Chavez



In the world of modern Latin American dictators, there is no bigger rock star than Hugo Chavez. He is like the Jonas Brothers of leftist Latino politics.

Hugo was not always the superstar he is today. He began his life in a mud hut in a remote village in Venezuela and was sent to live with his grandparents because his family was so ‘po. He joined the military and soon rose in prominence fighting insurgents in the jungles of Venezuela. It was during this time that Hugo would come up with his political philosophy called Bolivarianism which mixed the pan-American ideas of Simon Bolivar with the commie thoughts of Marx (not Groucho.)

Though he is currently a strong opponent of coups, he led one of his own in 1992 against president Carlos Perez (who, admittedly, was an asshole.) The coup failed, but it thrust Hugo onto the TV screens of the world, causing the people to instantly fall in love with him not unlike Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter did at the end of Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey.

In 1999 he was elected president and immediately began consolidating power. He got advice from his new BFF, elder dictator and beard enthusiast Fidel Castro, on just how to slowly take over a struggling nation. He amended the constitution allowing him to be elected for longer periods of time and for multiple terms and changed the name of the country to The Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela. Instituting socialist reforms, he nationalized several of Venezuela’s industries and took control of the media. He stars in his own TV show called Alo, Presidente in which he holds the airwaves captive for four hours at a time, kind of like Don Francisco does with Sabado Gigante, but with less stupid hats and dancing boxes of Tide Ultra. [Ed: Although just as many breasts--his!]

He is known for his colorful speeches and witty turns of phrase, like when he addressed the United Nations and talked about smelling sulfur because George Bush had just been there. (Whether he was calling Bush the devil or saying he let one rip is unclear.) He often visits his ailing friend Fidel and they lie in bed together in matching PJ’s holding hands and eat ice cream. (This is not a joke.) When he is not being a media darling, lunching with Hollywood elite like Sean Penn, Danny Glover or Kevin Spacey, or doing personal interviews with Naomi Campbell for GQ, he likes to threaten his neighbors with invasion and repress free speech. He also likes to eat, as he must increase the girth of his luscious man boobs to give suck to all the poor and needy of Latin America, though no one has the guts to tell him men don’t give milk.

So let’s hear it for Hugo Chavez, a true 21st century dictator who uses the media and the cult of celebrity to his advantage. We will be seeing a lot more of Hugo as he spreads his influence over Latin America like caramel topping on a flan, that he will then eat.

Reminds me of an old saying, Goes like this:

Q. What do you have when 2 whores and a virgin are sitting at a table?

A. Three whores.

He was elected by his people, they gave him the right to change the constitution... So why call him dictator ? It's his people who voted for him.

As was Saddam, Fidel,etc etc.

Well the constitution was change this year right ? What is the problem ? They voted for him they know clearly what the changes means for them and for Chavez. Honestly If I was Venezuelian I would voted for him.. I dont think corruption was part of the vote. In 2007 he gave the win to his opponents so..

the boys will take him out when the time comes his days are numbered

Karl Rove's E-mails Undercut Claim He Had Minor Role in U.S. Attorney Firing
Posted: 08/11/09Filed Under:Bush Administration, Republicans, Scandal, Investigations 149 Comments + Join the discussion »TEXT SIZE:AAAPRINT SHARE Karl Rove may be out of government, but only now is his participation in some of the Bush administration's most questionable actions becoming clear.

While in the White House, Rove deflected charges he had a major role in the firings of nine U.S. attorneys for strictly political purposes. Newly released documents indicate he was deeply involved in at least one dismissal and possibly others, said Democratic House Judiciary Committee Chairman John Conyers (D-Mich.).

Conyers has released e-mails and transcripts that show Rove had extensive exchanges with White House Counsel Harriet Miers over the dismissal of New Mexico U.S. Attorney David Iglesias.


IIglesias was highly regarded, but had run afoul of his state's Republicans, including then-Sen. Pete Domenici, who complained Iglesias was not pursuing corruption cases against Democrats aggressively enough.

Conyers says the e-mails show Rove was "agitated" about the slow pace of partisan prosecutions and had described Iglesias as a "serious problem."

The documents also shed light on the dismissal of the other eight U.S. attorneys, including the replacement of one in Arkansas with Tim Griffin, a Rove protege. Conyers says the transcripts show Rove had a heavy role.

The firings opened a Pandora's box for the Bush administration, unleashing a storm of charges that supposedly sacrosanct areas in the Justice Department were badly polluted by politics.

Rove and the White House had stubbornly resisted release of these documents, claiming executive privilege, but they backed down in the face of a lawsuit by the Judiciary Committee.

Rove's attorney, Robert Luskin, responded to release of the documents, telling Politics Daily that "there is nothing whatsoever in the documents that backs up the charge he (Rove) drove the firing process or that he sought to influence the case. The evidence shows he did not."

The stakes are very high. First of all, the committee is considering a public hearing on the matter and plans to subpoena Rove and Miers.

In addition, a federal prosecutor, Nora Dannehy, is continuing an investigation into whether any of those involved should face criminal charges of making false statements or obstruction of justice.

Rove and Miers, along with former Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez, are among those who have been questioned by the investigators and have denied deep involvement in the firings. The committee is forwarding this latest batch of documents to the prosecutor.

Glimm put down your bong you are lost and living in the past aka Dazed and Confused

glimmer the good thing about usa is that differnt party have differnt path WHERE THE PEOPLE DECIDE WHAT PATH TO TAKE.

anyway what is your take on chavez taking out over 100 radio station because they were critical against the govt or allowing his thugs to throw bomb inside tv station or rejecting student protest right..
everytime i see these kind of act reminded me of how greatful was our nation not to fall under socialism and give thank to people who made that posible.

Fred, you're full of Bologna.